Lost in Louisville...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I'm a reader

In elementary school I participated in a reading competition. You were supposed to see how many books you could read over the summer. I ended up reading enough books to earn me a pin with a bear on it, and a t-shirt, as well. I can't remember now what the bear was about; it was an acronym, I think. B.E.A.R.--Because Everyone is A Reader? Yeah, I'm not sure what the bear was about...

I always considered myself a good reader--whatever that might mean. I even thought at some point that I loved it. I really question now whether that was ever true. Perhaps that isn't fair. I love the information available to me in books. I'm drawn to new ones all time. The problem lies in finishing any book, ever. I generally read the first 150 pages of any book and then simply put it down one day never to return to it again.

People have many theories about why I do this. Do I hate endings? Just don't like those books? Does reading bore me? I think it's more like everything interest me, so once I've read a little of any book, I find myself wanting to move on to the next great thing.

I am proud to say that I've recently finished reading a book, a whole book. I've been reading Dave Eggers' "What is the What". It's labeled as fiction, but based on the life of Valentino Achak Deng, one of the "Lost Boys" of Sudan. I'm a little embarrassed to say how much discipline I had to engage in to finish this book, but was quite pleased when it was done. I will admit that I had a little sadness when the end of the book was near, and lots of sadness throughout. It's an emotionally challenging book. I cried no fewer than three times while reading. So, fair warning if you happen to pick this one up...the tears will sneak up on you.

Who knows? Maybe this means I'll be a reader now...maybe.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Words for Today

Something about these words helped prepare me for the day. I love this song...

Tracy Chapman's 'Born to Fight'

They're tryin' to dig into my soul
And take away the spirit of my god
They're tryin' to take control
And monitor my every thought

I won't let down my guard
And I was born to fight
I ain't been knocked down yet
I was born to fight
I'm the surest bet

There ain't no man no woman
No beast alive that can beat me
'Cause I'm born to fight

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Remembering and The Forgetting

Some things are inevitable. In many ways, this is a hard truth...

In February, it will be five years since my stepmother received her Alzheimer's diagnosis. There have been periods where the progression of her disease seemed slow and yet quite rapid at other times. It appears to be this rather unpredictable disease when it comes to what changes will be seen with any particular individual...and when. But, one thing is very predictable here: this disease is always progressing. It's a fact that has been with us for these five years.

I am not at home much these days, and so when I make my visits the changes are quite noticeable. Life for my stepmother seems to be more disorganized these days in ways that I am sure are frustrating to both her and certainly to us. Being at home this past week tried both my patience and compassion. I never feel good about this. I want to think that I have more emotional resources to handle the irrationality of this disease than I do, but most of the time, this just isn't true. I must continually remind myself that no one deals with this perfectly, and that there are no prescribed ways of making it through.

This visit home was especially difficult because a new reality is emerging. The time is quickly approaching for my stepmother to move into a facility that is better equipped to take care of her than she can be at home. As it stands now, the plan is for her to make this move in March. I knew this plan before I went home, which made most of the trip difficult knowing that this could be the last time I see her living in a house where she has spent the past 15 years. I spent most of the trip overwhelmed by the deep sadness of this reality. A reality that simply does not feel real.

I spent time at home trying to rely on part of my faith to bring some peace to us. I found I didn't have words to pray, and I have yet to find my own...

When I returned to Louisville on Christmas Day, I began to house sit for some friends. I opened a book sitting on their coffee table; it's a prayer book for families. As I flipped through some pages I came across a prayer that I am using until I can find words of my own:

Joy in the Morning

Weeping may linger for the night

but joy comes with the morning. (Psalm 30:5b)

O Lord our God,

we will give thanks to you forever.

You heal our wounded hearts

and give us life.

You hear our cries

and raise us from the pit of death,

from dust,

from the grave of despair.

O Lord our God,

we will give thanks to you forever.

You take away our grief

and give us joy.

You turn mourning into dancing,

ashes into stars,

silence into praise.

O Lord our God,

we will give thanks to you forever.

We will give thanks to you forever.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Victory Pizza

In August, Team Baby Fish Mouth won it's first Win, Lose or Draw tournament. Due to scheduling conflicts we've put off celebrating our victory. I am happy to report that we've brought an end to all of that now by making our way over to California Pizza Kitchen to spend our trophy...err, gift card. The night was packed with lots of laughing and singing. Thanks to a local radio station we were able to sing along to some of our favorite Christmas songs. My favorite? Wham!, "Last Christmas". There is something so fantastic about that song; there's no explaining it.

World Class Drawers and Guessers:
Catherine, Kate, Rachel and Tiffany B

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Advent

This year, I made my very own Advent calendar. It gave me the opportunity to use watercolors, scissors, glue and pastels. I LOVE crafts! So, here it is. Each day has its own window. When opened, every window reveals a word for meditation.